yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
