I bet he comes in French.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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