the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
