and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My life is pants optional.
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