Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
