Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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