I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
