Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
