YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my phone needs a breathalizer
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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