Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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