She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
