Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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