I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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