Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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