Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
