were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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