well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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