we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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