I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is Oprah even human
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
