i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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