If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
