Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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