If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
