so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i believe in u and ur pee
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
