hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
