I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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