It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
