Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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