She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
