there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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