I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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