i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dear god my vagina.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
