I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
