Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love you.
Bad choice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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