If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
