this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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