i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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