Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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