____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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