Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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