Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
