Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
