Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
