Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
