Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
