He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
