Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
