My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
