Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
