Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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