Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
