My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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