It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
