Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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