i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
