i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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