found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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